Heated Affairs (update aff)

At this point I’m pretty sure that there are only two types of people who browse my sites.

There’s the forever-virgins who can’t get laid to save their lives so they basically get their sustenance from porn. These men have never seen a real human vagina before, but they have a vague idea of where to find the clitoris because they spent thousands of dollars on an anatomically correct sex doll. I imagine they’ll be very shocked to find out that real vaginas are not machine washable.

Then, you have the dudes that have actually managed to make their way so far up a vagina that they got their dick stuck in there and had to marry the woman that the vagina was attached to. I don’t know which of these two groups of suckers I pity more, but I do know that the married dudes are tried to have their cake and eat it too.

These Pigs Ain’t Loyal

As you may or may not have heard, the whole point to being married to a woman is that you can’t fuck other women. It’s kind of like selling your soul to the devil, except sometimes, women cook for you. It’s a shit deal, but we all end up taking it at some point. But, some among you don’t want to rest on your laurels. Some of you want to explore further and see what wild adventures life can bring. By that I mean you want to penetrate more pussy before you get so old that your cock can’t stand up anymore.

Life is short and women are hot. That’s a Doctor Who quote, sort of. Get out there and bang bitches until you’re sore. Who am I to tell you otherwise. Hell, you run the risk of losing the bitch you already snagged, but if you did it once, you’ll probably handle it again. You have very little to lose in the long run. The passage of time is relentless. You must be relentless as well. Now, if you’re scared chicken shit about being found out and finding all of your belongings smashed and dumped on your front porch by your soon to be ex-wife who is not letting you enter your own home that you purchased with your money, well… I’ve got the site for you.

Cheat and Freak Freely

Welcome to HeatedAffairs, a website for shitty people such as yourself. If you’re married and are looking to tactfully piss all-over your wedding vows while also hoping not to get caught, look no further. HeatedAffairs is here to help you be an absolute scum fuck degenerate. Cheat on your wife in style – by paying a third party website to put you in touch with similarly fucked up human beings.

For what it’s worth, this isn’t a website exclusively made for cheating, per se. There’s also an abundance of cuckoldry and swapping going on, which, as consensual activities, I wholly respect and encourage. I’m down for anything that consenting adults want to do with each other as long as they’re not hurting anyone. Why shouldn’t you be able to take your wife out for a night on the town with some extra cock, served with a side of someone else’s pussy? It’s good shit. I know couples like to wild around and I can’t get mad about that.

I’m A Heartbroken Man

Look, I’ll level with you. I was cheated on once, just once, by the only woman I ever gave a shit about. I owe her a lot. She taught me not to trust women. I mean, I don’t trust men either, but I don’t have sex with them so it’s hardly a problem. My bottom line is this: cheating is fucking repulsive. If you want to bang a hundred people at a time, be my guest, just make sure to keep the person you’re fucking married to in the loop. Ask for permission, not forgiveness. If she doesn’t want you to go out and be happy, then she doesn’t really love you. It’s that simple. But, cheating on your wife, that’s beta cringe shit. I’m sorry, I had to say it.

Ok, rant over, back to work. HeatedAffairs is a great dating site. There, I said it. I admit it, they are doing great work. I have problems with their business model, but we’ll get to that later. Point is, everything that they do in terms of quality and delivery of service is fantastic. Their website is fast, responsive and above all, welcoming. The people on the site also seem to be in a really great mood, which I’ll never get enough of.

Everyone’s Welcome; Everyone’s Nice

For some reason, under the veil of dating sites, people act much more welcoming to overall sharing of intimate passions. I mean, you could ask a random bitch on the street what color her nipples are and she’ll slap you. But, if you do the same thing on a dating site, not only will she tell you, hell, she’ll probably show you. It’s implied that this place is intended for sexual play. And, with everyone’s identities properly protected and all that, you feel safe to be yourself without fear of any kind of real world repercussions. Just to be clear, I don’t want you to use me as any kind of guarantee of safety on HeatedAffairs. I am not affiliated with them. I am observing, not guaranteeing. We good? All right. Let’s move on.

On the site, you’re free to register as a couple or as an individual and similarly you can look for couples and individuals to your heart’s content. All the users are mashed together into one big list, so it’s not like you’ll be opting out of a certain demographic. It’s just nice for the other people on the site to be able to tell from your profile just exactly what you’re here for. You can also set your sexuality as fixed or as something a bit more malleable, like bi-curious for example. You set your own terms, basically. You define your own experience in advance.

Smut a Plenty

HeatedAffairs has a lot of support for digital media, naturally. You can upload pictures and videos and you can watch countless clips and snaps of other people. Most of the folks on this site are extremely passionate about showing off their sex lives. The couples and the solo dudes are most prolific in my experience, but solo babes will sometimes post as well. Keep in mind that the rarest form of person on these kinds of sites are the straight single women. They’re a rare breed. I mean, they’re one of the most common type of human out there, but they hide in the shadows, stalking their prey, lest they be stalked back and all that.

Finding people on HeatedAffairs is pretty damn easy, but I have to give you a bit of a warning – I suspect that the site lies a little bit. Nothing too fancy. They do indeed do what they claim that they do, but I have a sneaking suspicion that they oversell you on the number of people in your area, before you actually pay for a subscription. Here’s the catch. You can’t actually see the people’s profiles properly until you pay for a proper membership. You can only see them listed.

Squeezing You for Cash

I went into the “people near me” section and saw a bunch of random profiles thinking that this is awesome. There are people around that I can meet up with and bang. Except, when I switched my location to the sweet middle butt fuck of nowhere, there were just as many profiles around me. This does not click with me, sorry. I don’t think that HeatedAffairs has members in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. Call me a skeptic if you must.

Speaking paying for privileges, you need to get a gold subscription on this site to do damn near anything. Technically, it’s free, but you can’t talk to anyone, you can’t see anyone and you can’t even watch the publically posted videos and images. It’s almost a fucking scam. Now, if you fork over the big bucks, you can use the site as intended and it does indeed bring all the things it promises, but you can’t expect to see tons of people on there once you’ve signed up. A single month of gold will cost you $20, but if you pay for three months in advance the price goes down to $13 a month. The discount is fair, but I’d rather give that money to a porn site if I know that I’m going to get gypped by a lack of members when I get to the other side. Your mileage will most certainly vary, depending on where you are in the world. Good luck.